SHARK WEEK was in July this year, and if you follow my work — or have read Monster Shark on a Nude Beach (first episodes FREE!) — you know that I’m a shark nut, and I’ve taken it upon myself to review every news show every year. So, that’s 3-4 reviews a day for an entire week, though here they’re just summed up. (I will post an article with all the reviews soon, though I may share that with my Patreon patrons first.) That inspired me to watch a couple of the JAWS sequels this month, though I also have some holdover dinosaur films, too. (And I’m still working on my Dinosaur RPG, which you can also support on my Patreon above.)
As usual, my obsession with all things monster, SciFi, and mystery continue, so there are plenty of films on that front, too. I also got on a Scooby-Doo kick, a series I’ve loved since the original (non-supernatural) cartoon aired back in the day. For a long time, it bugged me that there were/are supernatural creatures in many of the current incarnations, but (thanks largely to Mystery, Inc.) I’ve come come to terms with that, and can now enjoy most Scooby material on its own terms. But not Scrappy. Never Scrappy! (Unless he’s a villain.)
All that plus what might be the world’s worst porno film below. 😀 Get reading!
Here’s the usual ratings system:
* – This film is not good. Avoid it unless you tolerate dreck well.
** – A flawed film. You may enjoy it if you like this genre or the folks in it.
*** – A good solid film. If you like this genre, you’ll probably like this film.
**** – A superior film within its genre. Thoroughly enjoyable.
***** – An outstanding film on many levels. A great example of its genre.
Note that some shows I’ve given a parenthetical star rating, usually adding (occasionally subtracting) stars, depending on how your amusement may differ from mine. I’ve explained the meaning in the reviews themselves. Mostly.
Son of Kong (1933) ****(*) This quickly made sequel to King Kong has a bad rep in some circles, but I think it’s amazing what the filmmakers, including special effects master Willis O’Brien & his team, did in the time allotted. Here, we get a thoughtful sequel with consequences for our old characters plus interesting new characters & complications. Carl Denham & company, fleeing the lawsuits & harassment from their disastrous King Kong premier, return to Skull Island in serach of treasure. What they find is the titular Son of Kong — inventing the “Son of…” sequel along the way. I love this film (the extra star).
Kingdom of the Dinosaurs (2021) ** The dinosaurs’ kingdom seems to be mostly claustrophobic, underground bunkers, or dimly lit night scenes. Some of the SPFX aren’t too bad, but mostly it seems derivative. Group of people survives dinosaur holocaust & then must fight to keep their lives against CGI, shadow, & some puppet dinosaurs. Lots of death. Few qulity kills or decent characters.
Falcon in San Francisco, The (1945) *** Falcon Tom Conway befriends a little girl & offers to giver her a ride home only to be accused of kidnapping, as the child’s family is mixed up in illegal activities, & now he’s caught in the middle. Amusing change of pace crime mystery.
Midsomer Murders 20-1 The Ghost of Causton Abbey ***** The ancient abbey is supposedly haunted by the ghost of a monk drowned in beer, but it’s now the site of a new craft brewery. On the day of announcing their latest brew, though, a dead man is found boiled in one of the beer vats. Being Midsomer, that’s just the first of the weird happenings (& murders) in a beer-soaked history of competition & betrayal.
Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster ***** One of the classic Showa Era (1960s-70s) Godzilla films brings together Godzilla, Rodan, & Mothra to battle against the titular monster — the biggest of the bad in the Godzillaverse. It also features a fascinating subplot about a woman from Mars (Venus in the Japanese original) whose spirit has come to Earth to warn of impending disaster, by inhabiting the body of a princess pursued by assassins. It all works here! Even the original dub (by Titra-Titan, not the “international Dub”) is great. Seek that out or watch the Japanese version.
Ghost Busters: Frozen Empire (2024) *** The newest crew of Ghostbusters is back (the kids, not the women) plus most of the surviving cast from the first film returns, too. The frozen storyline, sadly, seems mostly like a rerun with new special effects, & the over-long film manages to step on its subplots in a way that robs them of some of the emotion they could have. It’s entertaining, might be good for kids, but not great.
Scooby-Doo The Movie (2002) ***(*) The original Scooby live-action movie has a great cast (including Rowan Atkinson), a lighthearted script, & a couple of fun twists. It also plays well to the original Scooby series & their sequels — though, like many of the follow-up TV shows, it leans into the supernatural being real, rather than frauds intended to bilk people out of money. The CG special effects are good & at times appropriately funny as our mystery hunting teens go to a tropical restort to investigate strange goings on. Naturally, “scary” fun follows.
Zombilennium *** Grouchy dad park inspector has an “accident” & becomes one of the undead working for the monster amusement parrk Zombilennium, leaving his daughter orphaned & pining for the park. Neither zombie, vampire, nor witch, dad is an outcast among outcasts but eventually makes friends with a young goth witch & teams up with other outcasts to save the park from the vane vampires & other evil forces. Pretty decent character designs & CG animation (passable, not great), but predictable enough to not really stand out..
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004) ***(*) The live-action Scooby gang are back (with their CGI dog) for another go, this time to save the town from the past monsters they’ve defeated (from the original TV show). Despite that huge amount of Fan Service, I find this film far less memorable than the first live-action one. (Possibly because of that film’s surprising twist villain.) Nevertheless, I find the antics amusing on par with the first, while I’m watching it. If you’re an old Scooby fan (I watched the premiere of the original on Saturday mornings), you can give both films that extra star.
Undead, The (1957 – Sven) **** Slightly shady psychiatrists investigates past life regressions with a woman (street walker?) whose dubious present is mixed up with a virginal past incarnation during the Middle Ages. Sending his own psyche into the past, the shrink monitors the goings on between the Medieval Lady & the forces of Satan — including a witch & an imp — determined to see her hanged as a witch (which she isn’t). There’s also a gallant knight in armor & a highly amusing singing gravedigger played by Mel Wells (lLittle Shop of Horrors). Often dismissed as just another Roger Corman low-budget effort, I really like this flick! I wish it would get a great blu-ray/HD release with plenty of extras.
Angry Red Planet (1959 – Sven) **** I guess THE MARTIAN may be a better Mars exploration/SciFi movie (despite the absurdly dangerous dust storm near the start), but ANGRY RED PLANET remains my favorite of the genre. And I remain disappointed that no other SciFi films have risen to challenge it’s grip on my imagination. Yes, The Red Planet sequences are filmed in that strange solarized-like technical process (which they hoped would give the look of a comic book and bring their scenery paintings to “life”), but having watched the film on its new blu-ray recently, I can honestly say that the Mars stuff looks pretty great on a widescreen TV (at least as good as it did when I saw this in the theater, back in the day). The story starts with a woman scientist/astronaut who is the sole (conscious) survivor of the expedition. Regression therapy looses her suppressed memories of what happened to her fellow Mars expedition teammates, & the creatures/monsters & other strange things they encountered. (Rat-bat-spider!!!) It’s the exploration & the SciFi creatures & settings that make this film for me, though the male-female relationships are cetainly dated — as in nearly all old movies. Turn off your brain & enjoy the utter coolness of this one. Only WIZARD OF MARS/HORRORS OF THE RED PLANET comes close for me, but nobody’s done a decent release, never mind a blu-ray, of that. So, take a journey to the ANGRY RED PLANET!
Shark Week 2024 – Sunday **** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Belly of the Beast ****, Bigger & Bloodier – Jaws vs. Leviathan *** – Makozilla **** – Sydney Harbor Shark Invasion *****
Shark Week 2024 – Monday **** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Big Shark Energy ***, Shark Frenzy: Mating Games *****, Great White Serial Killer: Sea of Blood ****
Goke: The Body Snatcher **** A Japanese hijackers plans are foiled when the plane he takes over crashes in a remote location. Things get even worse when he & another passenger sight a flying saucer and become its victims. Goke is “possessed” by the alien & preyes upon the other surviers in a vampiric way. There’s scary makeup & plenty of icky moments, plus more than a few surprises. This Japanese SciFi-horror classic is definitley worth a watch.
Moon Zero-Two (1970) **(*) One of Hammer’s weakest films, this sci-fi actioner seems to have everything going for it (save maybe the score), with a good cast, strong production values, & intriguing plot elements, A freelance moon pilot receives a semi-legal high-paying job to help divert a sapphire-filled asteroid onto a deserted spot of the moon. At the same time, he becomes interested in a woman whose moon-miner brother hasn’t been seen in months. Sounds intriguing, but somehow the execution is boring, despite a couple of good no-sound no-atmosphere action scenes. The direction, acting, and camerawork somehow don’t seem to be working together. Or maybe it’s the editing. In any case, it’s a frustrating near miss despite good story elements. And it’s not sexy enough, despite seeming to fancy itself as something of a “James Bond on the moon” film. Extra star if you can put up with boring for a few good sequences.
Tentacles *(**) My appreciation for Euro-trash horror (and aging film stars) makes me not hate this film the way I did when I was younger. A resort town is threatened when a giant shark moves into their friendly waters… Oops, wait, not a shark, a giant octopus. (The other must be the plot of a better film. Ha ha.) There are some good moments, the baby carriage, the regatta, but mostly, it seems disjointed, probably because none of the stars were shot together. The big problem, though, is using a real octopus isn’t a great special effect. I’d have preferred even a puppet like in Warlords of Atlantis or even a guy in a suit. (Obviously, stop-motion monsters were too expensive for this flick.) A real animal also brings up questions of possible animal cruelty. With all this talent, it’s too bad it’s not better. Extra stars if, like me, you have an absurd fondness for this kind of dreck.
Shark Week 2024 – Tuesday ***** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Deadliest Bite ****, 6000 Lb. Shark *****, Monster Hammerhead, Species X *****
Shark Week 2024 – Wednesday ***** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Great White North *****, Expedition Unknown: Sharks vs. Nazis in Paradise *****, Alien Sharks: Ghosts of Japan *****
Shark Week 2024 – Thursday *** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Monsters of Oz ***, Caught! When Sharks Attack ***, Great White Danger Zone ****
Shark Week 2024 – Friday ***** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. The Real Sharknado *****, Sharks of the Dead Zone *****, Shark Attack Island *****
Shark Week 2024 – Saturday ***** See separate SHARK WEEK 2024 posting for details of the entire week. Sharktopia *****, Mothersharker: Hammer Time *****
Fire in the Sky (1993) **** I thought this was going to be a “UFO Believer” film & I even have memories of what I _thought_ was this film, but when I watched it… Wow! What a revelation! Yes, its plot is taken from a now-debunked famous UFO abductee case, but the film plays out as a horror/suspense film with a surprisingly good cast, FX, cinematography, & direction. The story starts with a truck full of loggers fleeing from an unseen menace, which turns out to be a UFO that has apparently kidnapped one of their friends. The film takes a while to get to the SF, but I never found myself bored as the characters were engaging & their dealings with government & police officials plays believably. It didnt’ turn me into a Believer, & it shouldn’t do that to you either, but it did entertain me for its entire runtime. And I may wonder forever if there was a cheap TV version of this movie that I saw once, or if it was numerous “recreations” from the various UFO shows that I (as my wife says) “Hate Watch.” 🙂 Either way, accept no substitutes, this is a good one!
House of Usher (1960) **** The earliest of Roger Corman’s “Poe Films” sets the template & standard for all the rest. Man comes to the titular old dark house to meet with/rescue his fiancee only to be swept up in the decaying weirdness of the family & their crumbling mansion. Production values are good, direction is Corman’s usual strong, workmanlike approach, & of course we have Vincent Price — who became known for this type of film — in one of the lead roles. I love all of these Poe films, & while this isn’t the best (IMO), it’s certainly a good start to the series.
Falcon’s Alibi, The (1946) *** Hired by a wealthy woman’s secretary to prove that she didn’t steal the woman’s jewels, the Falcon soon finds himself a suspect not only in the theft, but also in a related murder. Tom Conway is good, as always.
Scooby-Doo: Curse of the Lake Monster (2010) ***(*) The TV live-action Mystery Inc. (a new crew) return for the sequel to the film I watched next. (Ha!) Scooby & the gang go to work at a hotel for their summer vacation & quickly become wrapped up in spooky mystery with frog-faced men & an evil witch. This one gets an extra star from me for NOT repeating the origin or old plots & actually doing something new. Sadly, this is where this series of reboot-young gang films stops, but it was kid-friendly fun while it lasted.
Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins (2009) *** A live-action reboot where Scoob & the gang get an origin story that they didn’t really need, but it’s fun for the kids & fairly faithful to the show. The gang tries to rid their highschool of ghosts & along the way become fast friends for the next film. (Which I watched out of order this month because I’d seen this film previously.) Good kids’ stuff.
Munster Go Home (1966 – Sven) *** The Munster clan inherits an old castle & goes to England, where their English branch of the family tries to scare them back home. Fun kid-friendly movie adaptation of the monstrous TV series. Works pretty well. Looks great in color. Some of the usual laughs & some clever bits. Ends with a car race, of all things. The cast is comfortable & charming.
Falcon’s Adventure, The (1946) *** The Falcon rescues a woman who has been kidnapped to force her inventor father to reveal his secret for manufacturing diamonds. When the old man turns up dead, naturally our hero is suspected & must prove his innocence.
Ape vs. Monster (2021) ** The trailer for this kaiju film looks pretty good. Sadly, all the best bits of the movie are in the trailer. Giant ape meets mutant lizard & the two ravage the countryside before stomping into the city. Cheap CG cops out in climax. Some nice scenes, but, as noted, you can see the best in the trailer, so why watch the whole? You can imagine a better film.
Midsomer Murders 20-2 Death of the Small Coppers ***** When a butterfly collector is found pinned to a wall like one of his specimens, John Barnaby & DS Winter must sort out the local conservationists (fighting for the small copper butterflies of the title) & members of an elite Mensa-like society for Big Brains — one of whom is Barnaby’s old friend, the Danish detective Birgitte Poulsen, who is undercover trying to solve an old murder. Great stuff.
Vera 2-2 Silent Voices **** Vera & crew must solve the drowning of a well liked social worker, who was involved in a famous failed case involving a mother who drowned her child, whole the woman’s collogue was blamed. Naturally, the dead woman with the “perfect” life had a closet full of secrets for our heroes to uncover amid escalating deaths.
Jaws 2 *** Mostly a rerun of the original Jaws, but with annoying teenagers setting up a long buffet line for the shark. The shark science isn’t as good as the first, some of the “quality kills” are laughable (a plus), & the whole thing is too long. Fortunately, Roy Scheider’s Brody & wife are back, to give the film much-needed humanity and gravitas. Amusing, but in the end, also annoying. Not a patch on the original.
Rundown, The *** Dwayne Johnson is a tough bounty hunter/repo-man type hired (in theory) to return a rich man’s son from Central America to the US. Naturally, this proves more difficul than expected & the 2 men develop a frienemy buddy dynamic & team up at the end to defeat the bad guys. Early in Johnson’s career & without much of the eye twinkling that makes him charming. Still, a pretty good chase picture.
Jaws 3 *** I like this better than Jaws 2, because it decided not to just try to repeat the original classic, but actually changed the setting & let the Brody kids grow into new characters (& new actors). Brody’s eldest son is working at a modern marine park when his brother comies visiting & a great white shark gets trapped inside the park’s lagoon. Features underwater plexiglas tunnel attacks later “tributed” in the Meg movies & others. Originally in 3D, the FX were pretty dodgy at the time & haven’t aged well. Still, points for trying something new.
Mummies (2021) *** Turns out the Egyptian underworld is just another realm one can reach through a specific mummy’s tomb in our world. There, mummies have their own civilzation based on mythology that has thrived for millenia. But, when a greedy archeologist discovers the gateway, a mummy charioteer & a princess must travel to our modern world to stop him. Despite the title, there are very few bandage-wrapped sequences, because this is a non-scary kids movie. So, even their true forms look more like goths than decayed corpses. But, some fun stuff & decent music.
Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown (2008) **** Comprehensive biography of H.P. Lovecraft, considered by many people (including Stephen King and me) to be the greatest horror writer since Poe & probably the greatest & most influential horror writer of the 20th century. The film chronicles his family’s descent from the middle to lower class, his xenophobia & marital struggles, & his voluminous corespondence, friendship, & influence with other “pulp writers” such as Robert E. Howard. White this is a good bio, I wish they’d covered more of Lovecraft’s work. Happily, you can always read them yourself, as most (all?) are now in the public domain. Ironic that this titanic figure, whose creatures are merchandised everywhere now, died penniless.
Acolyte, The (S1) *** A group of Jedi knights go to a remote planet where they discover a coven of “witches” who have 2 young girls in their care. Because the girls show Jedi potential, a conflict arises that results in everyone on the planet save one girl dying. Years later, another survivor begins to kill the Jedi involved. Despite cool light saber battles, nearly everyone I found interesting dies in this series, leaving me no one to root for. I’m not surprised there won’t be a season too. A sad waste of great acting talent. But… Light saber battles!
Tarzan (2014) ***(*) Tarzan doesn’t really need an origin. We all have some sense of it: raised by apes. Yet, I can see why this kids animated film, set in the modern day, wanted to update things to make them less colonial, etc. They did okay with this & the film is generally amusing. The animation is good, Tarzan is young but mostly Tarzan like & Jane is pretty good, too. Another star if you’re a fan. I’m glad I watched it.
Dracula (1931 Sven – French Score) **** Svengoolie sometimes play’s Lugosi’s Dracula with a French (DVD?) score sourced from stock music libraries. Honestly, the music is pretty good & an interesting addition to Dracula’s history & it works in a lot of places. But somehow, either that or all the commercials MeTV inserts into the film actually lessened my enjoyment of the film, this time around.
Grand Central Murder (1942) *** This detective murder mystery with comedy elements features a “locked room” murder that takes place in a train car. The victim is a showgirl traveling to marry her rich beau in a private car. Complicating elements include an escaped criminal & the usual array of serious & semi-comic police & detectives, plus enough people with motive to kill the showgirl to fill that train car. Interesting solution & good cast make this worthwhile.
Joe Picket (S1) ***** Joe Picket is a “rookie” game warden with a difficult family past who moves his wife and children to Wyoming to take his dream job in a remote rural county. He immediately gets in trouble with the locals. When a poacher turns up dead outside Joe’s house, it starts a chain of events leading to the revelation of deep corruption in this “nice” neighborhood. Great acting. Good suspense. Great season.
Last Challenge, The (1967) ***(*) Glenn Ford is a sheriff reputed to be the fastest gun in the west, though he prefers not to use his guns at all. Nevertheless, young guns — like Chad Everett — keep drifting into town to challenge him. Meeting in the wilderness, the two accidentally become friends, and have several adventures. But Everett won’t give up his ambition, leading to the last challenge of the title. This really good western is marred by an unfortunately racist scene of getting American Indians drunk. If you can ignore that, it gets the extra star. I may have seen this in the drive-in as a re-release accompanying True Grit in its first release. (It was some western I don’t quite remember.)
Day of the Evil Gun (1968) *** Glenn Ford is a former gunfighter who returns to town after being presumed dead only to find that not only is his wife engaged to his neighbor, but she & his two kids have been kidnapped by American Indians. An uneasy alliance is formed so Ford & the neighbor can rescue the wife & kids — but naturally, that alliance cannot last. A well-made western that can’t help remind one of THE SEARCHERS, a classic (& better) film. The Indians are little more than a stereotype.
Secret of Skinwalker Ranch, The (S5) ** The 2024 season of Skinwalker Ranch adds nothing new to all the usual tricks, well, except maybe suggestion of a dire wolf. In the end, this show is nothing but wild theories & a series of “scientific” experiments where much “data” is gathered but with no clear purpose. If they were doing real science, forming hypotheses & then testing them, I might have stuck around. But after 5 (!) seasons of this, there’s been little actual scientific progress — probably because data without some testing hypothesis is meaningless. Looks pretty, but… No more.
Dark Tower, The (1943) **** A down-on-its-luck circus’ fortunes turn when mesmerist Torg (Herbert Lom) shows up and tames a lion just by staring at it. Soon, he’s helping a high wire act by hypnotizing a woman, Mary, to perform a dangerous stunt without wires or nets. This doesn’t sit well with her usual partner, Tom. As friction escalates, Torg mentally forces Mary to drop Tom during part of their act. How will it end? Good suspense & some nice twists.
Death in Paradise (S10) **** DI Parker settles in (despite continuing allergy problems) & various characters from previous seasons poke their heads in (and out) in a good series for this show, which (like many British shows) sometimes has sudden cast shake ups between seasons. Having some return, if only for a short time, is an unexpected plus. The sometimes lighthearted mysteries continue to be engaging. A nice break from more serious mystery shows.
Lost World, The (1960) *** The dinosaurs are all lizards, which is super annoying, but the modern-day production values are good, as is the cast which includes Claud Rains, David Hedison, Jill St. John, & Michael Renee. It’s a typical Irwin Allen production in most other ways. If you like his TV shows, you might like this. Reworked clips became part of S1 of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.
39 Steps, The (1939) ***** Robert Donat is a wrongly accused man chased across the British countryside both police & spies who want him dead in what became a template for future Alfred Hitchcock suspense thrillers. To save himself, Donat must avoid capture & discover the mystery of the titular 39 Steps.
McDonald & Dodds 2-3 The War of Rose ***** Social influencer Rose dies on the operating table during a controversial-to-her-fans plastic surgery procedure at a well-known clinic. Suspect include irate fans, the husband & wife who own the clinic, & the operating room staff. This one had enough interesting charaters & twists that it felt like a cut above the usual. A good end to the second season of the show & a foreshadow for good seasons to come.
Bat Pussy (1971) * In theory, this is a porno parody of the original Batman TV series. And the idea of the title character’s Batmobile being a bouncing ball to rude is vaguely amusing, but… There’s virtually no sex (a bit of oral), little nudity, & everything is extremely badly shot. Plus, the unattractive couple engaged in this is both verbally abusive to each other & their lines are repetitive to the point of tearing one’s ears off (No writers.) This low-budget porno film was so bad, I forced myself to rush to finish the 9th season of Grantchester, just so it wouldn’t be the last review of this month. If this sounds at all intriguing to you… JUST DON’T. I suffered through this so you don’t have to.
Grantchester (S9) ***** The old vicar & his new family are moving out & a new vicar, Alphy, is moving in. Both these events & trouble at home between Kathy & their daughter at home make things tense for Geordie. Leonard has troubles at work & home… And racism in the parish isn’t making this easy for Rev. Alphy — of East Indian descent — either. After struggling with less sympathetic preachers for years, Grantcheter finally, FINALLY gets the mix right to the point where we’re even sorry to see the formerly self-important & self-destructive Rev. Will leave. The mysteries are good, too, for the best season of the show since the 1st or 2nd season. Let’s hope they can keep it up!
So, that’s it for July 2024! The totals are 51 for the month — and that’s only counting each day of sharks as 1 review — bringing my yearly total 326.
NEXT MONTH: August is another frenetic month, with the Olympics dominating the early part. Yet, I’ve found plenty of time to watch other things. (Glad I don’t write a live novel every Olympics anymore!) So, there will be plenty of new stuff for you to hear about, including the “end” of my new Midsomer Murders episodes. See you then!
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